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The Mechanics Of Yenagoa (XII)
Post Series: Mechanics of Yenagoa

Read from the First Episode.

“Saka, do you know that our customer that lives in Otiotio? The one that uses that brown Lexus Jeep?”

“The only person wen I know for Otiotio, wen dey use Lexus jeep, him own na red oh. No be brown.”

“No be the guy with moromoro head, the one wey drop him engine for here two months ago you dey talk about?”

“Na him na, Oga Ebinimi. Dat man when you say na boxer before before, wen him still dey owe us N25k since dat time.”

“We dey talk about the same person be dat na. Why you come say him car na red? So you nor sabi the difference between brown and red again, abi? This Saka, you better do something about this your colour blindness before e go put you for trouble one day.”

No doubt he was the most experienced mechanic in my team, but Saka’s carefree attitude and occasional foolishness meant I always had to keep an eye on him, which could be irritating, if not outright annoying sometimes.

“Oga, no vex. The thing be like red for my eye.”

I brushed off his apology. “He said the fuel in his car is leaking and he is afraid to start it. I want you and Broderick to go and see what the problem is. Make una nor go sleep for road oh or tanda for there like say work nor dey here. When una finish, him go give una the money when him dey owe me, plus anything when him put on top for una today work and transport.”

“Wetin make we do with the money?”

“Which kain foolish question be dat? You nor go bring the money come give me again, abi na your money?”

I watched him leave to get his toolbox and also to fetch BRD. I reminded them again as they left for Otiotio, that I needed them back in no time because of the amount of work already piling up and the customers calling to ask when they could come for their cars. It was a Thursday, and knowing Bayelsans and how their Fridays and Saturdays were spent attending burial ceremonies and marriages, most of the people who had brought in their cars for maintenance would like to have them back before nightfall.

As crazy as things were in the shop, I had never had a crazier week. And the craziest part of it was yet to come. With everything I was dealing with, I really couldn’t care much about broken down vehicles and their angry or dissatisfied owners.

If someone had told me, even a week before, that I would have guns – 2 fully loaded AK 47 rifles and 3 locally made pistols inside my house, I would have called that person a dreamer. But that was exactly the situation I found myself, and it was terrifying.

Honourable Aaron Barnabas-Treatment’s personal assistant, who by the way, now insists that I call him Mr Freedom, because I was now “one of the boys,” had called me two nights ago. He said on the “boss man’s” instructions, they were coming with the guns and heroine to my house the next day, so I had to stay up late to receive them. They came in a little after midnight, because I needed to be certain no one was awake when I received the goods.

The other heavy matter on ground was handling Aguero. The reconciliation with him wasn’t as difficult as I had anticipated. I guess he realised that he was the one that offended me, so when I called him three days ago, he answered at the first ring. I bet he was surprised I called to ask if I could ride with him and Adinna to Amassoma for lectures like we were cool. Of course, Adinna opted out when she heard I wanted to join them, but that didn’t bother me at all. Clearly she was on a guilt trip and really ought to be if she had an ounce of conscience in her backstabbing heart.

Riding with Aguero was all part of my plan. When we were about halfway to Amassoma, I asked him to reduce the volume of the music playing in the car because I thought I could hear an unusual sound that wasn’t the voice of Childish Gambino performing This is America. I am a mechanic so of course he believed me when I said the sound was coming from the engine. To scare him even more, I told him not to exceed 80km per hour to avoid causing any major damage to the car. Because of how convincing I sounded, he was even the one that suggested I drove on the return journey to Yenagoa so I could take the car to my workshop after dropping him off at home.

So Aguero’s car is in my compound and the guns are underneath the bed in the unoccupied guestroom reserved for when Ebiakpo stayed over for a vigil. Since I was the sole custodian of the room keys, it was the safest place to hide Mr Freedom’s delivery until I was ready to make the transfer to Aguero’s car.

I had everything figured out. By 10pm, I asked BRD to turn off the generator, forcing all three of my housemates to bed early. Like I did when they brought the guns and narcotics, I waited until midnight just to be sure no one was awake before going into the guestroom to retrieve them. With only the light from my phone guiding me, I tiptoed out of my bedroom and into the hallway. Without making a sound. I carefully turned the lock and entered the guestroom, but just as I slid to get under the bed for the goods, I heard footsteps.

It was unexpected, so I froze. Next thing I knew, someone was trying to open the door and the intruder succeeded. By this time, my heart was palpitating. Could it be robbers? Instinctively, I pulled my legs completely underneath the bed and stayed still, scared of what fate could befall me if I were detected. Thankfully it was pitch-black in the room.

“Shhhhhhhh, no make noise.” It was Saka! What the fuck was he doing in the guestroom?

“You don lock the door?” I recognised the second voice too. It was Sister Agnes, Blessing’s friend and fellow choir member in Reverend Ebizimor’s church.

“Yes. Make you no fear, I get my own key when I cut, besides everybody for this house don sleep,” I heard Saka clearly, even though he was whispering. “Agi, Agi…Agi my tomato juice, Agi my assurance, make you no worry oh, I don plan everything well well this night.”

“Make you no Agi me anything, oya where the money?”

“But we go finish first na, abi make I give you the money before we do?”

“Saka, I no wan hear story abeg. I tell you say the cloth when I wan use for my sister marriage on Saturday still dey tailor place and the balance to collect am na six thousand naira.”

“Na six thousand naira be your problem. The money wen customer pay my oga dis afternoon still dey my hand so if I fit do two round dis night sef, I no mind to double am.”

The sudden creak above my head told me they were now on the bed. Their combined weight pressing on the mattress made me fear for my life.  If anything happened to that bed, I was dead.

There was silence for a while and then heavy breathing, which was followed by kissing sounds. As the sounds grew louder, I could sense it wasn’t kissing anymore – they must have moved on to more adventurous forms of oral pleasure that had my imagination running wild. This went on for a few more minutes and the next thing I heard was – “Saka, your father…I repeat am your father.” There was moaning on both sides, and then, “your father,” again. The bed was squeaking badly now, but none of them seemed to care at this point, and neither did I.

I couldn’t believe that those two were having unprotected sex on what used to be my grandparents’ bed. I can’t be too certain how long this went on for, but it seemed like days and months. Alas, the devout Sister Agnes was a tigress in bed!

I wouldn’t know exactly how long it happened, because I was uncomfortable for the most part trying to stay still and holding my breath, but I guess the gyrating and muffled name-calling did something to me. The audible sigh of climatic denouement that Sister Agnes heard when it was over was not her lover’s. It was mine.

“Who was that?”


“The sound from under the bed?”

“Maybe na rat?”

“Rat no dey make that kind noise,” she insisted.

It wasn’t Saka but Sister Agnes who summoned courage to look under the bed. I tried covering my face with my hands, but with the full light of her phone beamed on me, there was no mistaking who it was.

“Brother Jacob!” And she passed out.


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This Post Has 5 Comments
  1. very interesting, educating and entertaining.

    Saka and his boss (Oga Ebinmini) lol

    Nice work sir

    I really wish this could be a movie.

  2. Very interesting. Bro Jacob has a lot of issues to handle urgently:the discovery of sister Agnes’s relationship, the likely exposure of the arm’s issue and the need to recover his money from his boy…Let’s see how these issues play out in the next edition.

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