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The Mechanics Of Yenagoa (Season 2) – XVII
Post Series: Mechanics of Yenagoa

I’m in trouble, serious trouble. You know the kind of trouble in that popular saying, when it rains it pours? That’s the exact position I’ve found myself right now. At this point I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, ‘Is it not Ebinimi again? What kind of trouble can he possibly be in that we haven’t seen before?’ Well, this one is different.

This one is worse. This one is very serious and if I don’t handle it properly, it may have grave consequences for my safety and wellbeing because it involves the Minister of State for Defence of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who has the entire military and security apparatus in the country at his disposal.  One phone call from him, one order and I might be spending the rest of my days in Kirikiri or KujeP, or worse still somewhere without a name.

How do I start to explain the kind of hole I dug for myself? Who will help me get out of this quandary? Who will be my superhero?

You see it all started when BRD went missing yesterday. Well, he didn’t go missing in the sense of being lost or anything like that, but missing because he chose to be incommunicado on the one day I needed him the most. He chose to go incommunicado on the one day I had so much riding on him.

My friends, no one has been able to reach him since yesterday when he asked for permission to visit his parents in Amassoma to give them some money and the half bag of rice I bought for them for the Christmas. The thing, though, was that BRD didn’t go to Amassoma. I know this because I called his parents when he didn’t come home the previous night and they confirmed to me that they hadn’t seen their son in weeks.

My anxiety took me to Biodun who couldn’t help himself. He had ‘I-told-you-so’ written over his face as he opened up about Broderick’s true whereabouts.

“Oga Ebinimi, make I talk true. BRD no go Amassoma; he told me he was going to Akassa. Apparently, he is one of the organisers or performers at the Akassa Beach Festival this year, but he begged me not to tell you.”

“And you think keeping the truth away from me all this time was wise?” I was miffed Biodun didn’t think to tell me this earlier. “Did you forget that Honourable Aaron is coming into town tomorrow and that BRD is supposed to arrange the boys that would welcome him when he arrives at the city gate?”

“Oga, I didn’t forget oh! In fact, I reminded him when he told me two days ago that he and his guys were travelling to Akassa to attend a Christmas party. The only reason I didn’t say anything was because he assured me that he would be back in good time for your Oga’s rally.”

“Biodun, Biodun, Biodun! How many times did I call your name?”

“Three times, sir.”

“You have finished me. See, if anything goes wrong with my arrangement tomorrow, I will hold you personally responsible. I hope you can hear me? Just know that whatever I do to Broderick, your own punishment would be two times worse because you of all people should have known better than to connive with BRD to make me look foolish and incompetent.”

“Sir, I didn’t connive with anyone oh – ”

“Shut up there,” I shouted. I knew I shouldn’t be taking out my anger on him but I couldn’t mask my fear that Broderick was somewhere in Akassa Island partying hard with the N200k I gave him to arrange a crowd for ABT’s welcome party.

That was yesterday. This morning I had been to his room three times already and still there was no sign of him. Biodun and I had also tried reaching him on the phone but his number was still unavailable.

BRD had disappointed me big time and I didn’t know what to do or where to begin. When I spoke to the Minister’s PA last night, he had told me their motorcade should be at Igbogene junction around 10 o’clock which meant that I had less than two hours to come up with an alternative plan for mobilising a crowd large enough to impress Barnabas-Treatment and justify the N2m he gave me upfront for the job.

Coming up with a Plan B wasn’t the issue; the real challenge was where to get the money to fund whatever new arrangement I came up with at such short notice especially when I didn’t have Honourable Aaron’s money anymore. Thanks to BRD’s perfect plan, it was all gone. From the money Honourable Aaron gave me, I had spent quite a bit on hotel bills and other incidentals so Oputi and I could wine and dine, and get to know each other better in class and in the privacy of a five-star hotel. I also made a down payment of 800k for a scanner that would run diagnostics in the workshop believing that when the final promise of N250k the minister made hit my account I would settle the supplier Oputi found on the Internet and collect my equipment.

I hadn’t quite figured out how to deal with the problem of BRD’s disappearance and getting a new crowd when Blessing stormed into the compound screaming Oputi’s name.

“Where she dey? Where that boyfriend snatcher dey? If you know say you be woman, make you come out of where you dey hide.”

The commotion was taking place in the workshop area. By the time I went out to see what the noise was all about, a small crowd consisting of customers, neighbours and the few church members that worked full-time with Reverend Ebizimor had formed in my compound.

“Blessing, what are you doing here?”

“Where is Oputi? So she thinks she can just come from nowhere and snatch you away from me abi? So you didn’t tell her how long me and you don dey friend.”

“Can somebody please tell me what is happening here?” I turned to Biodun for answers but he remained mute.

“Sister Agnes tell me say you carry that new mechanic girl when dey do like say she no dey shit come her working place. Ebinimi, where she dey? Make I teach her lesson today, next time when she see another person boyfriend she go pick race.”

Noticing how mad she was, I gently pulled Blessing into the main house so the street gossips and information seekers would disperse and allow us deal with our relationship issues quietly.

“Blessing, what kind of embarrassment is this one? Why are you shouting and threatening fire and brimstone this early morning biko?”

“I’m not threatening fire and brimstone. I am fire and brimstone, and right now, I just want to teach that fake Genevieve small lesson so she go know say Blessing no be somebody when person fit mess around with. I don already send her text message say I dey come for her so if she like herself make she just continue to dey hide wherever she dey now.”

“I don’t know what Sister Agnes told you, but there’s nothing going on between me and Oputi. In fact, in case you haven’t noticed, let me tell you now that she doesn’t even work here anymore.”

“Ebinimi, Ebinimi can you swear that she isn’t your girlfriend and that you and her haven’t done anything yet.”

“What do you want me to swear to, Blessing – the Bible, the Koran or an Idol?”

“What were you doing with her in a hotel at that time of the morning? That is the question you should be answering not speaking grammar and lying to my face. Ebinimi, you think I’m a fool? You think because I’m not as educated as you and her, you can tell me super story? No na, Ebinimi, my mumu don do. After all Reverend too has said it that you are not the man for me, so make you follow her. In fact, make you marry her. Me, I’m done. I cannot be with a man that cannot control his thing.”

When Blessing stormed out of the house, I knew I didn’t have a Plan B anymore. As it stood, there were no guys coming from BRD, there were no girls, beautiful or ugly coming from Blessing, and Oputi wouldn’t be around to provide social media amplification to ABT’s event. I was done for. I was toast and the only options open to me was to skip town or go for plastic surgery.

At exactly quarter past nine, my phone rang and it was Mr. Freedom. I was about to take cover under my bed but then I thought it was just a phone call. If the minister was going to kill me, he wasn’t going to do it through the phone. I summoned courage and answered the call.

“The Honourable Minister wants to talk to you.”

“Ebinimi.” I almost urinated on myself when I heard Honourable Aaron’s voice through the phone.

“My leader – ”

“See, I dey airport now. My plane just dey about to take off from Abuja when the Chief of Defence Staff call me. There has been another Boko Haram attack in Benue state. Plenty people don die, so the President wants to see me immediately. As it stands, I wouldn’t be coming to Yenagoa again today.”

“Sir, does that mean – ”

“It means that you have to stand down whatever arrangements you have made over there to welcome me. You can disperse the people waiting for me at Igbogene, but please make sure you share money reach everybody when come because we might need them another time.”

“Sir – ” I didn’t even know why I was saying sir. It wasn’t as if I had anything to say to him.

“Freedom will send the N250k I promised you to your account. You have tried ehn, you have really tried. I am even thinking that you should come to Abuja so you can be assisting my PA. His workload is increasing every day.”

When he hung up the phone, I passed out. No, I didn’t pass out; I just went down on my knees and started thanking God.



This Post Has 3 Comments
  1. Lol the prayers of Rev Ebizimor da work .🤣🤣 Testimony when Ebinimi go give no be here o . If na me, na to just cancel blessing, then carry my lovely Oputi enter Abuja. For that area, things go happen . Nice episode .

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